Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
