i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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