Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
