Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
