Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
