is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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