I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
