i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
