Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
