I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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