come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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