I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
