Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
