You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
