I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
