And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
