She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
