I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
