He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
