Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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