I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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