I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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