they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
