I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
