she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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