I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
