didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
