Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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