Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
