I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
