once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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