They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
