I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
