He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
