Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
