am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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