I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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