i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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