I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
