I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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