I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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