oh god the rape fog is back!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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