I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
