I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
