why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
