smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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