Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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