I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's get the cat blown out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
