i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The Olympian is in my bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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