I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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