I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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