He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
