Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
