All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
