So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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