Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
