i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
