He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
