Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
