butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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