My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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