He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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