he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
