you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
