toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
