Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
