just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
