There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
