dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
