I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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