question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
