I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
