Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
