I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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