My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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