Can i not drive my cunt home
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
