Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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