sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
