how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
