my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
