i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
