Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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