Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
