Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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