i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize