is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
