you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
