In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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