your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
