like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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