am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
