I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
