My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
