Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize