Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
