How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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