i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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