Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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