she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my being single is dangerous.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
