Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry my hands just texted you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
